Coloring Outside the Lines

Well, Mike did it to me again.

Have you ever received a coloring page from a small child? If not, I'm sure you have seen one at some point in your life. I know I have. So what do they look like? They are just a bunch of scribbles of 2 or 3 colors run all over the ouline of some cartoon. There is no trying to stay inside those dark black lines. No choosing of what color would look the best for this area or that. Nope, just a bunch of scribbled lines all over the page. This youngin' didn't know any better. He/She was too naive to know what they were "supposed" to do with those crayons and that sheet of paper.

Mike writes: "Most of my life I heard the message loud and clear that Christianity was all about coloring within the lines and coloring well. If I was a good Christian, if I loved Jesus and wanted to please him, if I read my bible, prayed and went to church, then I would get better and better at coloring. And if I lived a long and godly life, I would evenually be able to draw close to the perfect drawing. Wherever that mesage came from, it was a lie."

I agree with Mike. I'm 38 yrs old and my drawing still looks like that of a small child.

Mike also writes: " ...God's grace is so outside the lines of our understanding that we can only stand in awe and wonder. Christianity is not about learning how to live w/in the lines; christianity is about the joy of coloring. The grace of God sees beyond the scribbling to the heart of the scribbler..."

Just as I have "scribbled" about in some of my previous blogs, most of everything I have been taught has been about "coloring inside the lines." I as a youth pastor for 10 yrs taught my teens about the importance of coloring inside those lines. Does that mean God has no standards? Absolutely not! But what is more important, the "law" (the rules/standards) or the person? Isn't that why we need grace? Isn't that what grace is all about? God set the standard and we couldn't live up to it. We failed...we sinned. But that is what makes grace...grace. We are more important than the "lines." And, boy, does that bring relief to my heart and mind.

Because in the end, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It only matters what God thinks. And when it comes time to hand in my "drawing" (what I have done with my life), I'm sure its gonna look a lot more like a young child's coloring page than it will a paint by numbers page that has been done to perfection. And guess what I'm gonna hear? "Well, done my good and faithful servant."

So no matter how many times I screw up, betray people I care about, get stabbed in the back, get fired from jobs, get told I'm "not safe for kids to be around" because something is wrong with me because I'm not married at this age, sin, sin again and again... I will listen for that still, small voice that says, "my grace is enough". And I will keep on coloring.

"Fear" of God

Again, I can't get pasts a few paragraphs in "Dangerous Wonder" by Mike Yaconelli without having to write down of of my thoughts.

This paragraph just lept within my heart as I read it:

"I am beginning to wonder if we modern followers of Christ are capable of being terrified of God. No fear of God. No fear of Jesus. No fear of the Holy Spirit. As a result, we have ended up with a feel-good gospel that attracts thousands...but transforms no one."

I have worked in the UMC for 10 yrs and the paragraph above is a mirror of the so called 'gospel' I experienced week after week of those 10 yrs. I know that statement is very harsh, but I believe with all my heart the majority of those that would read this blog and are a part of the UMC will agree with that statement for the most part. Don't get my wrong, there are pockets of believers w/in the UMC who truly understand the 'awe' and 'fear' of God that Mike mentions, but most I believe fall into the category of the thousands attracted by the "feel-good" gospel but are completely un-transformed by it.

SIDE NOTE: And what is good about a blog...its my thoughts and you can disagree all you want, but this is a free country and I can blog about anything I dang well want to...its my blog!!!!

I look around everyday. I read articles. I personally experience working for minimum wage each week. I watch the news and I see the lack of true trasformation all around me. I see a nation of people, that some 83+% claim to be Christians...followers of Christ...and I see them ignoring the very things that Jesus taught us to do. Example: take the health care crisis this nation faces and/or the poverty levels that our nation faces each and every day. Surveys and statistics tell us that these are 2 of the greatest issues facing our nation. And what is the solution that "the people" (83% are Christians) want? They want the government to fix it.

But what did Jesus tell us / show us to do? Jesus healed the sick, gave food to the hungry, raised the dead to life, etc. Jesus didn't look to the government...the Roman nor the Jewish rulers...to do the job, He worked at it Himself. There were no "qualifications" anyone had to meet. They didn't have to be Jews, or meet this or that standard of living, etc. Anyone that had need, no matter their station in life, He met the need. And Jesus taught his disciples (and not just the 12, but the larger group of 72 that traveled with him) to do the same things.

But what do we do today, we throw money at the problem. We expect the "professionals" (whether that means the politicians, church staff people, government "relief" committees, etc.) to do it for us. "Isn't that what we pay them to do?" We keep people at an arms length. We don't wanna get our hands dirty. But that is completely and totally against everything that Jesus taught us and the early Church lived by.

The UMC is considered a part of the Social Justice part of "The Church" in N. America. The UMC leads the way in so many poverty issues, etc. But what I have found is that more and more or should I say less and less of those "following" Jesus in the UMC are getting their hands dirty. They are throwing their money at the problem and are expecting the professionals (or their youth groups) to handle it. I believe that is why the Central TX Conference Youth in Mission program struggles more and more every year to find adults who will commit a week of their lives to get their hands dirty and make a difference. It's a lot easier to pay their child's way to go on the mission trip, or buy stupid stuff at a fundraiser, because they can say they did their part, but are unwilling to be the hands and feet of Jesus. What kind of example are they setting for their teenagers? Actions speak a lot louder than words Church.

What would Jesus say of us? If I am truly honest, just looking at my own actions, Jesus is probably not happy at all. Should I be afraid? YES! I would be a fool not to be. Jesus is God, Himself, the Creator of the universe. I am a sinner. But I am a sinner saved by Grace. I have been redeemed and given the title of Child of God. And with that comes a huge responsibility. Not because I have to. Not out of obligation. But out of gratitude and love. I want to do it. I want to be different. I have been transformed by Jesus. I am not the same and I never will be the same again.

I guess it comes down to this. I don't have any money to throw at the "problem". All I have are my hands and my heart, and my feet to give and I give them to you Jesus to use as you will.

Jesus,
I'm sick of this feel-good gospel that we teach as 'christianity'. Jesus put your fear back into the heart of those that claim to follow you. Change us. Bring the fear back to your people. Separate those who are truly yours from those that are not. And may those of us who are truly yours stand up and get to work and "show" the world that you are there, that you are real, and that you are still working to heal and feed and comfort those who have need.

Being Loved Unconditionally

It has been a terribly long day. My back aches. My stomach aches. I'm tired, fat, and terribly out of shape. But once again, I find myself unable to ignore the prompting to write.

This time Mike Yaconelli's is again talking about passion. The passionate love of God for us...for me. Even before we are "saved" we here the message that Jesus, that God, loves us unconditionally. It's this kind of love that draws us into this relationship with God that we call Christianity. God loves us UNCONDITIONALLY.

Then what happens, we go to church, and what do we learn: "Yes, God loves you, but His love has conditions:
You must love back.
You must live a life worthy of His love.
You must respond to His love with responsible, normal behavior.
The Message was mixed. God loves me unconditionally... Yet as His child I had to live up to what others claimed were God's standards." (p. 98)

Wow...this is absolutely the truth. Think about all the things you have been taught in church. I can't even begin to list all the contradictions I have been taught. I have even heard it said like this: Baptists believe in that 'once saved always saved' stuff cause it gives the the right to go and and live like hell and still get into heaven. And if someone goes out and does stuff like that, they can't truly be a christian. They only 'went thru the motions' or 'it was only an emotional response, they didn't really mean it.'

How dare we judge what has happened in the heart of another. We have no clue. Only God truly knows.

It's only when we truly understand and except God UNCONDITIONAL love for us can we truly live for him. God doesn' want our 'sacrifices of obligation' thinking He will love me more if I go to church every sunday, or read my bible everyday, or pray an hr each morning, or keep a journal, etc., etc. That's not a response to unconditional love...that's obligation...love with strings attached.

That's not the God that I want to know or to serve. I need a God that loves me no matter what I do, no matter how many times I screw up, no matter how many messes I get myself into. That is true unconditional love. That is the Jesus I read about. That is the Jesus that says: "I love you just exactly the way you are, but I love you too much to leave you that way." And gently guides me into a more loving relationship with Him.

Now that is the kind of God I want.

A life of Passion or Going thru thru the Motions

Not but a few minutes ago, I found myself doing some editing on last nights blog, and I remember quite specifically asking myself the question: "why do we all seem to strive for an "easy" life; a life void of troubles and mistakes, etc.?" And then, I pick up my book to read a little more about Mike's thoughts on living a passionate life, when I find myself reading about this exact subject.

What I found is that when we seek an "easy" life, we are actually seeking a life of little or no passion. A life of just going thru the motions. A life as flat as a plateau, no highs, no lows, just flat and dare I say: BORING.

Yes, I life lived w/o passion is just plain boring. So why are we always working so hard to find the easy road? Wasn't it Jesus that said that many will travel the wide (easy) road, and few the narrow (passionate)? Just like when I was young and naive about all the challenges that lay ahead of me, I once again choose the narrow road.

I have found that living my calling; living a life of passion has been far from easy. In truth, it has actually been one heart break after another. But it has also been a life of some of the greatest adventures I could have imagined. Some have described the christian life as this trail of highs and lows, mountain tops and valleys. I agree with that. But I think I like Mike's description, he had mentioned earlier in this book: a rollar coaster...a big one at that, with loop-d-loops, spirals, switch backs, along with all the ups and downs. That has definately been a good description of my life. And even now, as I find myself in a very strange place in my journey, (a place I would not have chosen) I look back on my life, and if I am truly honest, I don't regret. My life has been a life of passion. I live full of the greatest joys and some of the greatest sorrows one can bare. I've lost friends I loved dearly b/c of my passion (most call it bull-headedness). I have friends still that I consider as much family as blood kin. I have laughed till I hurt, cried tears of anquish and of joy. I've moved across country in search of God's voice twice in less than a year. I could go on and on. But one thing I know, I have lived a life of passion and I choose to continue to live a life of passion.

Yes, at this point in my life, I feel like I'm going thru nothing but the emotionless, motions of life, devoid of passion, but I'm confident it can't last forever and I will someday find a place again to express my passion for life and for Jesus and to hopefully show a world that following Jesus and living passionately for Him is worth it all.

Living right or fully?

Here again, I find myself typing when I should be sleeping. But I just can't help myself.

Mike Yaconelli's statement was: "Most people believe that following Jesus is all about living right [bold italics mine]. Not true. Following Jesus is all about living fully."

Mike is writing about passion and what it means to live a passionate life. I could spend hrs writing my thoughts on this one word/thought. My life, and how others have discribed me; is all about passion.

But what I want to comment on, is Mike's statement quoted above. I agree wholeheartedly with his assessment. It has not been until recent years that I finally began to realize this fact. I've been a christian for 20 yrs now. And as I think back over that time, most of what I have been taught is about living "right." Being a "good christian," being perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect, etc., etc.

But wasn't Jesus the one that said "I came to give you an abundant life"? Living life each day and especially christianity is more than following the rules, the do's and don'ts. (Go back to my previous blog on this subject of rules to see some of my other thoughts on that subject.) Following Jesus is about a relationship with the Creator of the universe, not about a list of rules.

I have learned the past few years, as I began tryin NOT to be this perfect...follow all the rules and expectations... good christian; I found myself falling more and more in love with Jesus. I actually began to relax. I wasn't worried that I didn't study or read my Bible all the time. I found myself trying to understand and relate to "non-christians". I began to look at the world more thru their eyes and even experience and do things that most christians would be totally offended at. But wasn't that what Jesus did? He lived with the "sinners", ate with them, touched the un-touchables, etc. Jesus understood the culture in which He lived. And I want to understand more about the culture I live in, instead of burying myself inside the "christian sub-culture."

And where did this whole idea of "good" christian come into play anyway. My Bible says nothing about good christians or bad christians. You are either one or the other. You are either a follower of Jesus or you aren't. Jesus doesn't make those kind of distinctions, so why should we? It's kinda like those levels of sin the church has. Little white lies are down on the bottom of the scale of "bad" sins. Then on up a little, is gossip or stealing. On up a little more is divorce. And of course up there near the top of the worst sins (some have even labeled the unforgivable sns is; Oh dare I say it...homosexuality. Well, my Bible says God sees sin as sin. There are no levels of sin in God's eyes. It's either sin or righteousness. I wonder what would happen if we started seeing people as Jesus does? Seeing sin as Jesus does. I think we really have a worped sense of right and wrong, good and bad.

Ok, ok, I know, I am way off topic. Told you I was passionate. But are you getting my point yet?

I guess my whole point was to emphasize the difference in tryin to live "right" vs living "fully." If its up to me, now that I'm a little older and wiser, I think I would much rather live "fully" (even if it means I mess up more and find myself in more messes that Jesus has to come rescue me from) than to try to live "right" all the time. When I was tryin to live "right" I always felt comdemned and worried that I was not living up to someone elses expectations or following all the rules that told me I was a "good" christian.

What is more important to you, right or full?

Play

An hour ago I was so sleepy I almost didn't pick up my book to read. I knew I would end up on here again. But I did it anyway. One of these day's I'll learn.

Tonight I read about the idea of Jesus and play. Yeah, that's right P-L-A-Y...play. A few times in my christian life i've heard it mentioned or a question asked, "what do you think Jesus was like when he was a child?" But think for a minute; Jesus playing? Yeah, Jesus played. And I believe just like any other normal boy.

That idea is a little awkward to us, but its not totally out of the question. Yeah, all kids play and we know Jesus had to play at some point as a child. But what about taking the next step. How about Jesus playing as an adult? Now that one is tough. We have been taught all of our christian lives about the "seriousness" of Jesus life...His 3 yrs in ministry, all his miracles, sermons, raising people from the dead, etc. Jesus didn't play. He is the Son of God. God doesn't play. Play is for children. But I beg to differ and Mike Yaconelli does too.

Jesus first miracle was at a wedding. And if you do any kind of study on Hebrew/Jewish weddings, you will quickly find out they are nothing like our "simple" 2 or 3 hr celebrations of today. Weddings celebrations lasted days, most likely a week. That is some serious play time.

Ok, so what about the 3 yrs Jesus spent with the disciples? In reality, we only know bits and pieces of the disciples lives while they traveled and learned from Jesus. What were they doing with all the time they weren't feeding 1000's of folks or listening to Jesus teach the crowds. I don't think they sat around the campfire each night and talked theology. I would bet they played games, told jokes, told stories about their childhood adventures, talked about their families and kids, sang songs, etc. Isn't that play time.

Mike, even talked about a young actor who would act out a scene in one of his plays about the life of Jesus and the disciples, when they all go into a huge mud fight while bathing in the river. Can you imagine? 13 grown men in mud fight? I can hear the gasps for breath, the murmurs of blasphemy, the "how could you talk about our Lord like that". Yeah the Church has really done a marvelous job at teaching us about Jesus (yes that was sarcasim).

I think the church has done a very poor job of teaching us about the REAL Jesus. The Jesus we are taught about in church today is a watered down, completely un-human, shell of the person I read about in my Bible. Just look at all the stories. Jesus had a sense of humor. Look at what he told stories about: odd people, coins, building homes on sand, etc. Look at the famous "Sermon on the mount." We have been taught to take it so seriously. Relax, read it from a different viewpoint. I see Jesus laughing, smiling, picking up stones, or fish and showing them to poeple. Jesus wasn't standing behind some pulpit, in a 3 piece suit, looking all stern and serious like he had just eatin' a whole bag of lemons. :0) Come on, smile. It's ok.

Being a youth minister/director for the last 10 yrs of my life and spending 4 yrs in seminary before that, I have seen what the church has taught first hand. You are treated differently as a pastor and/or leader within the church. People treat you differently, they always seem so serious around you. They apologize for a cuss word that slips out. Conversations are cut short when you walk in a room. People always look embarrassed or uncomfortable when you are around. Why? I think it's because they have been taught you are not quite human, you are a pastor or minister. You have to act different around them. They can send you to hell or something.

So what would happen, if you did something totally unexpected, immature, or irresponsible and just played with them? HUH? Yes, played with them. What if I decided to TP (toilet paper) their house? Shoe polish their car windows? Invite everyone on the block to a huge "slip n' slide" party next satuday? What would people think then? I can hear that sucking in of air again. Most christians would throw a fit. That is so "below" a pastor, a person of his/her reputation should not be TPing someone's house!!!! But, on the other hand, I guarentee you, others would relax. They would begin to see you as a real, flesh and blood person. Someone who has a sense of humor, normal, someone that they can relate to.

I'm not sure if any of this made any sense whatsoever. All I know is that, I love to play. I love to be irresponsible and unpredictable. And guess what, it has gotten me in trouble more than once. A woman of your age TPing other's houses or throwing torilla's all over the yard. What will people think? Oh I know what most think. They are embarrassed. They think I need to grow up and be a better example for their teenagers/kids. "Oh, she is just the youth minister, its ok, its just what they do. She will grow up one of these days and get a real job."

You know what? I think Jesus would be smiling at me. I think Jesus would have been right there with me. I think he would be TPing the pastor's house right beside me.

Jesus knows how to play. And I think he spent a huge amount of his time laughing and enjoying everything life has to offer. I think many will be surprised when they meet Jesus someday. I can't wait for the chance to have a mud fight with the Son of God. Can you?

Being "Un - Rule - ly"

I should have known as soon as I started reading again that I'd probably have to stop and write my thoughts again. I really should sleep, but oh well.

Towards the middle of chapter 3, Mike returns to children, reminding us how we 'help' [my word] our children to grow by teaching them the do's and don'ts of society. "They learn how to behave, how to conform to the cultural 'norms' for the greater good [italics mine] of society [or the church]." They learn the rules, become orderly, and responsible members of the "civilized world." However, in our responsibilities of helping them "grow up," have we not also robbed them of the ability to discern when to follow the rules, but also when to break them? Which is more important, the rule(s) or the Rule Maker? "Christianity is this wild religion that has always been more concerned about following Jesus than following the rules of Jesus."

Think about it, when you first became as Christian (as we call it), you didn't know all the "rules," all you knew was Jesus. But then you started to learn all the rules of how to be a "good" Christian, or a "good Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, etc." Christianity became more about what was best for the "church," not what Jesus wants for his people. "The church is always worried we might make a mistake."

But aren't mistakes the trademarks of growth? My favorite quote in the world says: "I'd rather try to do something great and fail, than to do nothing and succeed." - Norman Vincent Peale. Just look at all the stories in the Bible. It's full of people who screwed up; not only once but over and over again. I've only read about One person who was perfect. Mike says, "The church should be the one place in our culture where mistakes are not only expected but welcomed." But what does the church expect (especially of its leaders/pastors, ministers, etc)? PERFECTION!!! That's the rule of the church, not of Jesus. Yes, Jesus said, be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect. But I don't beleive that was his point (that's another "wondering" for another time). How many times did the disciples try to throw in the rules? No children close to Jesus. Or how about the Pharisee's rules? No healing on the Sabbath or eating with 'sinners.' But everytime, Jesus got right back in their faces reminding them that its not about the "rules" its about following Him. Jesus didn't come to replace one set of rules (the OT) for a new set of rules. He said it himself, he did not come to abolish the law (the rules) but to fulfill it. "Jesus kept saying 'Follow Me' not 'follow my rules.' " Most of us have spent our entire life as a christian more worried about following the rules, learning what we can't do, than following Jesus and "celebrating what we can do in Jesus."

I'm going to admit something. I'm in the process of jumping thru all the hoops (following all the rules) it takes to go back to school and get my Ph.D. and hopefully someday being a professor somewhere. But my biggest fear is that I won't be accepted back at my almamater because I don't follow the rules all that well. Don't get my wrong, I'm going to do everything they ask of me: GRE test, research paper, reference forms, etc.; but I just don't do rules well. I know for a fact I don't think or believe like most, if not all of those "in charge" of my acceptance and/or future at this seminary. Being a Baptist seminary, a "Southern" Baptist seminary at that, I am very familiar with their "rules" and I'm just not sure what will happen. Just like Mike Yaconelli, I'm more concerned about following Jesus than following a bunch of man-made rules. I am more and more facinated with Jesus everyday, but I am also more and more disallusioned with "the church" as each day passes. I have experienced so many of the churches "rules" that I have nearly left the ministry (currently I am not serving in any church & have removed my church memebership from my previous church) and The Church, permanently. My hope is that, inspite of my "rebellious" nature, they will see my love for Jesus and for the future of His church. I want so much more and this seemed like a way to make that happen. So that's the direction I'm headed at the moment.

So, in closing. I encourage you who dare to read this to...think. Follow Jesus before you follow any rule; of the church or otherwise. Don't be afraid to break the rules either. Jesus broke the rules all the time. And in so doing, he showed the world how to live; to really live. For the most part, I've never regretted breaking the rules, b/c each time I did it, it was for something more important in the long run. I promise that I will keep breaking the rules until the day I die or Jesus comes to get me. And one day I will hear "well done, my good and faithful servant."

That's enough for tonight I think.

Unwritten Assumptions

In the 3rd chapter of Mike's book, "Dangerous Wonder", he lists 4 assumptions that are made about questions and how these assumptions "neutrlize" our natural curiosity and our courage to ask questions.

The first of these is the the assumption that "questions can be embarrassing."

Here are my thoughts entertwined with some of Mike's words on this assumption:

Mike tells us that our culture teaches us that its embarrassing to admit we don't know something. People will think less of us, if we don't apprear to have all the answers. "In today's world, truth doesn't matter. Image does."

And what is 'funny' is that I experienced this first hand not long ago.

I recently started a new job at small, family owned, retail store. One of our main goals is excellent customer service. I whole-heartedly agree that goal should be a top priority of any business. During my first week, which is all orientation, learning the policies, all the normal stuff of starting a new job, etc. Anyway, I was helping a customer find what she was looking for, and I couldn't answer her question, so I said, "I don't know, but let me see what I can find out for you" (or something to that affect). Unknown to me, the manager was within ear shot of that conversation, and a few minutes later, I was informed that I should NEVER tell a customer "I don't know." "I don't know" doesn't boast well for business or for the customers confidence in the store or for the employees.

You know what? BULL!!!! Here is a perfect example of Mike Yaconelli's first assumption of how our culture drowns our curiosity. Personally I am not at all embarrassed to say "I don't know" nor am I upset or look down on someone else who says "I don't know." Actually, I have more respect for those who have the guts to admit that they don't have all the answers all the time. I love it when pastors can admit from the pulpit that they don't have all the answers; that they too struggle with their faith and with all the hardships in life.

To go back to the store example for a minute, when I worked for another retail store not long ago, there were many things that I had no clue about and I admitted it out right. But, I always told the customer, "I don't know, but I will either find out or I will find one of our other associates that can answer that question for you." Want to know what I found most of the time, the customer was not put off by my lack of knowledge, they were satisfied that I would take the time to help them find the answer or to find someone else who could help them. Sure I could have just said "I don't know" and left them hanging and walk away, but that's not customer service. I truly believe that when we are not willing to admit we don't know and try to make it look like we do, we do a lot more harm than good. That is what is really embarrassing and that is what hypocrosy is really all about. The Church has spent far too many years pretending to have all the answers about God and life, etc. Just like I mentioned in my last blog, doctrines, sets of rules and belief and list of do and don'ts tell us what to believe and think about God and the Church. All the answers can be found in this or that book or statement of beliefs. And questions are squelched and drowned out. And we are left with generations of religious people who wouldn't know who Jesus really was even if He walked up to them and hit the up side the head with a 2x4.

And one more thing, just like in the store I work out now, its not about truth that really matters, its image. And my arguement would be: be truthful and honest. Admitting that we really don't know everyting speaks much more about our image and our integrity than faking our knowledge level ever will.

So what am I telling the customers I help in this new place of employment? I tell them the truth. If I don't know, I admit it. But I also tell them that I will find out or I will find someone who can answer their question. And I will let my integrity speak for itself. And if I get fired over it. So what!!! I will not lie just because someone else thinks image and making money are more important than being truthful with people.

Questions

Ok, so here's my first attempt at keeping up with a blog since I was on Xanga a long time ago.

I'm reading one of my favorite books again: Mike Yaconelli's "Dangerous Wonder." This book is like a mirror of my own heart and passions. My heart and mind resonate with every word I read.

So here are some thoughts for this moment.

Chapter 2: Risky Curiosity, p. 35
Mike begins by reminding us of the 'why questions' of young children. He writes: "Most parents understand that although it is important to attempt an answer, often the answer is irrelevant." It's the act of answering the question(s) that are of the utmost importance. Their questions are "more than a request for information," they are an "act of affection, of communion, and of trusting." A child's question(s) is not about the answer, but about the relationship.
He goes on to say that when a child has a safe place to ask their questions, it breeds an unquenchable curiousity "- a fascination with truth, an unrlelenting hunger to know and be known..." They can sleep in the security that "the knowledge that the one who loves them is bigger than their questions. ...They are safe in the arms of the Keeper of their questions."

So my thoughts are these:

Why are Christians, leaders w/in the Church, and the Church for that matter (no matter what name is on the sign out front) so afraid of questions? Parents freak out when their teenagers begin to look at the teachings of other religions. Baptists have a heart attack when someone brings up the "maraculous gifts" of the Holy Spirit such as speaking in tongues or healing, etc. Methodist for the most part start yellling "fundamentalist" when you teach that that Bible can be taken literally (within context, thank you very much - I'm not going to get into an argument over that one right now). Catholics yell heratic when you say there are only 2 sacraments instead of 7.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm throwing "everyone" under the bus here, and not everyone is like those I've mentioned above. But I'm trying to make a point here: Why are "we" (christians) so afraid of asking questions?
Didn't Jesus tell us that if we don't become like little children we would never enter the kingdom of God? Go back up to the top and read the statements I quoted from Mike and think for a minute.

Our questions are usually about finding out this or that, but aren't they more about finding out if this God we seek is real or not? Is He big enough to deal with all of my questions? Aren't my questions more about connecting with this God, about getting closer to Him, about the relationship? Aren't questions about trust? We don't usually ask quesitons of people we don't trust do we? And the more questions we ask, the more we want to ask?

But what do we usually find in the Church? Questions are squelched. "We have this or that set of beliefs." "If you don't sign this 'doctrinal statement' you can't be a professor here at this christian university." The children are taught in their Sunday School classes is "this" is the way God is and its a sin to think any other way. (ok, ok, that was a little over the top, I will admit. But think about it. I can mention several "local churches" from my past that may not say those words outloud, but I guarentee that is the way they think.)

So, I could go on and on about this, but I hope you are beginning to catch onto my point.

Please don't be afraid of the questions about your faith in Jesus. Don't be afraid of the questions you have hiding in the depths of your heart that you have never dared asked because of what others would think of you. Ask away!!! The God that I know is big enough to handle them. And I know lots of people who are not afraid of the tough questions either. I'm one of them. I may not have all the answers that you may want or need, but I know the God that does.

Ask away. Be a child. Find that unquenchable curiosity again, and ask. Don't ever stop asking. That is when you truly will be a follower of Jesus, a Christian. Christianity is all about the questions. Questions = relationship. Rules, doctrines, belief statements, creeds, etc. are all about religion. I'm sick of religion. Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship with Jesus.